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One week later

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I’m writing this post on Wednesday, the 13th of February. I have no idea if I’ll ever hit publish, or if I’ll just keep it safely stored away in my private settings. It has been one week since the loss of our little girl started. One week ago our life was changed forever. My heart trusts the Lord has a plan with all of this, but it still doesn’t take away those moments of sadness that sneak up on me.

Moments where another person joyfully announces they are pregnant. I don’t fault them, I would have been in their place eventually, had things progressed differently. Moments when you forget that you reactivated your baby registry at a store, simply to get coupons started again and to excitedly browse baby furniture, and the store calls to congratulate you on your pregnancy and to thank you for signing up for their registry. Moments where you look into your little boys eyes and think of what a great big brother he would make, even if he’s still so young.

But I’m trying to find joy. Trying to find hope. It’s not in the big stuff. The little stuff is quite significant right now. The kiss of my loving husband who would do anything in the world to take away any ounce of pain. The nonstop laughs of the cutest little boy on the planet. Watching my little guy try to play the piano, but if he were a few more inches taller, it would be easier. The phone call from a concerned pastor just wanting to check on me, and reassuring me of my baby’s existence and significance. The text messages from friends who want to make things better. A book that says just what I need to hear confirmed.

While we may never kiss our sweet baby’s cheeks, I’m thankful to know that she’s safe in heaven. She’s safe from the sin of this world. She’ll never have to experience heartache like we do here on earth. She gets to experience true joy for eternity. And that alone makes me happy!



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